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First Date Advice:
Don't Try So Hard


he best first date advice we can give guys is to not try so hard.

That advice sounds odd to the average shy guy because it's counter-intuitive. And it goes against the advice given by most other dating gurus (who pretty much advise you to try even harder to impress your date).

But look to your own past first date experience: how well did you do with women whenever you went all out to impress them on a first date? You arrived with a dozen long-stem roses, hung on her every word and lathered on the compliments all evening long ... but did you score at the end of the night?

We didn't think so

That doesn't mean that women don't enjoy being spoiled on a date. But it does mean that spoiling them doesn't put them in an "amorous" mood. It's the same logic as your boss telling that he's giving you a 35% raise effective immediately. Would that make you happy? Sure. Would it suddenly give you an overwhelming urge to have sex with your boss in a heartfelt show of appreciation right then and there?

Not at all. After all, "happy" is not the same as "horny".

“… trying too hard is such a passion killer because such behavior is a marker for less desirable guys …”

The reason why trying too hard is such a passion killer is that such behavior is a marker for less desirable guys. Guys who are very good-looking, have game or otherwise get a lot of girls don't try so hard. They're less focused on "Am I good enough for her?" and more on "Is she good enough for me?"

And women pick up on that vibe.

first date advice don't try too hard
First Date Advice:
Don't Try Too Hard

For that same reason, it's also good first date advice to not spend a large amount of money. After all, that's another way that shy guys try to impress women. Occasional expensive dates should be a reward (after she's been sleeping with you for a while) and not a goodwill gesture in hopes of ingratiating yourself.

“… guys who have their pick of women don't defer to women that way …”

And it's also good first date advice to not ask her "Where do you want to go?" or "What do you want to do?" as that betrays your eagerness to put her interests ahead of your own. And to a woman, that too says you're "not a good catch" … guys who have their pick of women don't defer to women that way.

That's why you should suggest the venue. If she counters with another place that you're fine with, that's okay. But if she counters with a place that you don't wish to visit, decline and suggest another alternative more to your liking.

What if she's picky
on a first date?

We've found over the years that if a woman considers you even a bit interesting, she'll rarely get too picky about the exact location for a first date. And for those instances where she was very picky and we accepted her choice, we always regretted it later. It invariably turned out that she wasn't all that interested in us. She either just wanted a freebie at a trendy place or she knew another guy who worked at that place and she wanted to make him jealous (by showing up with us) in hopes that he'd pursue her more aggressively.

Women like confident, decisive men. So decide where you want to go and invite her along. Don't let her do your thinking for you.

We have additional useful first date advice in our main Dating section as well as our

Seduction section.