Understanding Women In
Relationships
T
he topic of understanding women in relationships is one that could fill many more books than the topic of understanding men in relationships. The fact is, men are elegantly simple creatures when compared to women. We're easy!
When it comes to being in a relationship, it usually only takes a couple things to keep most men happy. Here's an approximate list:
- She has sex with you (and only you) regularly and without you having to beg for it.
- She acts as if she actually likes you both publicly and in private.
- She's nice and sweet to you.
- She shows some understanding of and appreciation for the efforts and sacrifices you make on her behalf.
Most guys would be absolutely delighted if they could get that much out of a relationship.
Understanding women in
relationships isn't quite
life on the beach
Do women realize this? Sure they do. Ask any woman what men need in a relationship and the chances are good that she'll create a very similar list.
They know the answer. However, they don't like the answer. All "sweetness and harmony" quickly become boring to most women.
Don't think so?
Tune in to any soap opera and note how often the characters are sweet and harmonious and how often they're anything but.
"Anything but" will win hands down every time. All the intrigue, duplicity, back-stabbing and especially the fighting holds female viewers' interest.
“… understanding the role of fighting is key to understanding women in relationships, but most men don't
…”
Understanding the role of fighting is key to understanding women in relationships, but most men don't. Why is that?
One big reason is that women make it difficult for us to understand them. They "sell the sizzle" by pretending (to the extent that they can pull it off) to be the person we really want.
- They'll have sex with us (to get us used to getting it regularly),
- They'll act (at least some of the time) as if they like us, and
- They may even express appreciation now and then.
But in time, that initial "honeymoon experience" will evolve into something resembling a soap opera. In particular, the fights will start and the relationship will gradually deteriorate from that point forward.
Due to not understanding women in relationships, most guys will be both stunned and distressed when she starts the first fight with them. That's a side of her they hadn't seen up until that point and were hoping they would never see. And they won't like it.
It makes no sense to men. We learn to avoid fights and we perceive fights as a bad thing.
After all, when men fight, there are often injuries. Or worse. And we'd never start a fight with someone at least half again our size. That would be suicidal.
Understanding women in
relationships including the
role of fighting
And yet women pick fights in relationships. Repeatedly. The first time, it might blow over quickly and the guy will probably attribute it to "PMS" (as that's the least scary explanation). But the fights will continue sporadically as long as the relationship continues. And they'll tend to get worse over time.
But understanding that progression is another key to understanding women in relationships.
And that will eventually be what breaks up the relationship (unless she doesn't leave him first, which is the more common outcome): "fight fatigue". She'll wear him down to the point where he just can't stomach another fight.
Another of the reasons understanding women in relationships is difficult is that it's relatively straightforward to observe how women behave but impossible to know for sure why they behave that way. We can only speculate.
Why have women evolved to fight often in relationships despite the fact that most men detest having such fights? We believe women try to pinpoint exactly how their partner feels about them.
“… women have evolved to use fighting to elicit an unscripted response
…”
There's a well-known Latin phrase which says "in vino veritas". That translates to "in wine there is truth", meaning that people are likely to become uninhibited and then "speak the truth" (i.e. say what they're really thinking or feeling) after several alcoholic drinks.
We believe that women have evolved to use fighting the same way (i.e. to elicit an unscripted response).
Women realize that men lie a lot in relationships. We'd be idiots not to in many instances. After all, if she asks you "Does this dress make me look fat?" (and it does), are you going to be truthful? Not if you're smart. Why start a fight?
Men evolved such that the direction of others' feelings toward us is the most important dimension. So we've become conflict avoiders by nature. If someone feels negatively toward us, that could mean (depending on gender) getting a beating or not getting laid. And those are both bad outcomes.
Understanding women in
relationships including why
arguments happen
But women operate differently. They don't have to worry as much about getting a beating (as the law will be on their side) or about whether anyone would be willing to have sex with them. And therefore, the direction of others' feelings toward them often seems to be less important to women than the intensity of those feelings.
So angrily calling her every bad name in the book after she dumps you will be music to her ears. To her, love and hate will be two sides of the same coin: either emotion says that she matters to you. And the more vehement your tirade, the more she must matter to you. The reaction that would disappoint her is indifference, as that would signal that she doesn't matter.
Amazingly enough, there is... An underlying logic to understanding
women in relationships
So let's relate that dynamic to fighting in a relationship. If she asks you if you still love her, you'll say "Of course!", regardless of whether your feelings are beginning to wane. She won't know whether you really mean it or whether you're just saying it to avoid a fight.
“… it's the second best sex they've got (after "revenge sex") and few men will turn it down
…”
So instead, she'll provoke you. She may flirt blatantly with another guy if you're at a party or she may just start picking on some real or imagined wrong she thinks you've committed. Either way, she's looking for a strong reaction (you losing your temper) and, unless you have a good grasp of understanding women in relationships, you'll give her one.
If you go over to the guy she's flirting with and angrily tell him to back off, that will tell her that you do still care about her. But if you just smile, shrug it off, and return to talking to whomever you were talking, then she'll worry. You're supposed to go ballistic. And if you don't, that shows her that you've disengaged emotionally.
Understanding women in relationships
including fighting after-effects
But aren't women concerned about going too far whenever they test us like this? Not really. They have the antidote: "makeup sex". It's the second best sex they've got (after "revenge sex") and few men will turn it down.
If you'd like to learn more about understanding women in relationships or are looking for advice on other aspects of your relationships, you'll find the rest of the articles in this section to be extremely helpful.
Start with some basics on the most powerful word in relationships as well as why she needs her space.
Understand the perils of addictive relationships and controlling relationships as well as why lying, cheating and trust in relationships might not have the importance you think they do.
We also offer our views on rebound relationships, age gap relationships and platonic relationships (one's worthwhile to you, another isn't, and one normally isn't worth fretting about).
And learn the difference between casual relationships (really great if you have the skills to pull them off!) and short term relationships (dangerous if you don't think ahead) ...
And no take on understanding women in relationships would be complete without an insight into passive-aggressive relationships, why relationships fail and when they can no longer be repaired.
And if you'd like to examine this entire site, it's all focused on
understanding women in relationships .
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