The Psychology Of Flirting:
"Many Are Called
But Few Are Chosen"
s with many other aspects of life, the psychology of flirting is fairly simple in theory but more complex in its application.
So let's examine the concepts underlying the psychology of flirting before looking at how they would apply in practice.
The psychology of flirting
is logical but not rational
We humans like to picture ourselves as being rational individuals who make thoughtful decisions by exercising our free will. However, that picture isn't entirely true. As science learns more about human nature, we increasingly discover that a lot of our behaviors are at least partly "hard-wired" into our nervous systems.
The simplest example would be eating. Are we all rational, thoughtful eaters?
Not based on the statistics for obesity. In a culture obsessed with being slender, no one would choose to be obese (other than guys training to become sumo wrestlers, perhaps). And yet if you head to the local mall this weekend, you'll see a lot of very big people there.
How Nature shapes
Rather, we eat because we get hungry. Nature has built in an appetite for food which is powerful enough that few people can resist it successfully for long. We're designed to want food regularly, and to crave food if we've not eaten for some time.
We vary a bit from culture to culture in terms of what kind of food we crave, but our appetite itself is built right into our nervous systems. And it's quite compelling as that walk around your local mall will demonstrate.
Another obvious example
would be having sex
Here also, you can look to yourself for confirmation. Do you have an appetite for sex? Of course! That appetite is also built into your nervous system.
When you take a woman out on a first date, listen to her yammer on for hours, hang on her every word and spend a day's salary to show her a good time, is that because you truly enjoy spending money and listening to women talk? Probably not
you're just working toward eventually (you hope) feeding your appetite for sex.
Now let's look more specifically at women. In some ways they're similar to us but in other ways they're quite different from us. Let's home in on one of those special female traits: Women have been designed to crave male attention.
“… nature has designed woman to crave male attention (the more, the better!) …”
Women enjoy male attention not just when it leads to good things (money, status or great sex), but also male attention for its own sake. That craving is hard-wired into their nervous systems.
If we had to guess why women evolved that way, the reason would be that they're likely to get the best possible "price" (in this case meaning highest quality mate) in an auction-type negotiation. And for there to be a bidding war to drive that "price" up, it's necessary to have multiple "bidders" (which in this case means many suitors). The more men there are competing for her at any one time, the more likely it will be that the winning male will be of high quality. And to ensure that this happens often, Nature has designed woman to crave male attention (the more, the better!) and therefore to actively solicit it.
Why women are so selective
The psychology of flirting
with a girl who wants
But Nature also designed women to be selective about which men they have sex with. In that regard, women can only have a small number of children in their lifetimes so it's important that each of those children be fathered by the best male she can attract at the time.
In other words, she'll get the best outcome if she can attract a very large number of eager contestants to compete vigorously for her. But the fact that there'll be so few winners will make it very difficult to attract lots of competing suitors. If you're one of those guys, why get into the race, get your hopes up, do all that work, spend all that money and waste all that time if your chances of winning are likely to be slim to none?
That's how flirting evolved
It's a way for women to solicit lots of male attention by implying that she's very interested in a particular man (that is, that he's got a very strong chance of bedding her), but without her making any actual promises to that effect (so that she can walk away with a clean conscience after each encounter when she leaves most of those men high and dry).
That's the psychology of flirting in a nutshell.
The simple truth is that there's no other way for women to get around that problem (getting a large number of men to compete vigorously for her when in reality most have no chance of succeeding) except by tricking men this way.
If you're looking to learn more about the psychology of flirting (or about how to apply the psychology of flirting to specific types of situations or for other advice), please continue to the main Flirting Tips For Guys page.
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