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Seduction Techniques:
Friends And Lovers


ne of the common seduction techniques practiced by guys with limited confidence is to befriend women. After all, it's less stressful for a shy guy to ask her, "Let's be friends" than to say, "Let's get naked and party".

Getting her into bed is his ultimate goal of course, but he's afraid to try the direct approach. So he takes the stealth approach instead: he'll become her friend, she'll get used to having him around and in time she'll grow to love him.

Or so he hopes.

That's a very common seduction technique tried by hapless guys.

But it's not effective

Can friends someday grow into becoming lovers? Not often. The few times we've seen this happen were mostly in one of two categories:

  1. They grew up together since childhood in a small town and, once puberty arrived, they became boyfriend and girlfriend more or less through inertia, or
  2. They're getting older (mid-thirties or beyond), neither has much game or many options, and they eventually get together because nothing better came along and time is running out

Virtually all other situations we've seen where a guy befriends a woman ended the same way they started: as friends. We've seen many guys demoted from "lovers" to "friends" but things rarely move in the other direction.

poor seduction techniques turn her off immediately
Poor seduction techniques
turn her off immediately

There are two primary reasons why befriending a women is among the least effective seduction techniques:

  1. Social proof
  2. Fantasy

Most guys haven't heard of "social proof" but it's a key concept for understanding why some seduction techniques work well and others work so poorly.

What is social proof?

Social proof is a shortcut that Nature has built into our nervous systems. When we're uncertain how to interpret or react in a situation, we're designed to look to others for guidance to see how they're interpreting it (or reacting to it) and then we'll normally follow their lead.

"Monkey see, monkey do" would be a more simplified way of putting it.

In seduction, women aren't sure whether we're really a good catch or not, especially early on. So they'll use social proof: how desirable do you seem to other women?

“… women tend to be drawn to the same men that other women are drawn to …”

The net effect is that women tend to be drawn to the same men that other women are drawn to. So much so that women's second favorite thing to do in life is to take a man away from another woman.

Don't believe it? Next time you're at a party, try this seduction technique: confide to the woman you're chatting up that you haven't had a date in two years. Then watch how quickly she ends the conversation. In her mind, if no other woman in the past two years has found you desirable, that tells her all she needs to know: you're not desirable.

That's also the reason why befriending a woman (and hoping that it will grow into "something more") is such an ineffective seduction technique: only guys with no better options would put up with that arrangement.

So seduction techniques such as that one tell her: "I'm not a good catch".

The second reason befriending a woman is one of the least effective strategies is that it negates the role of fantasy in making women desire you.

When a woman meets a new guy, she'll know very little about him, obviously. She'll notice what he looks like, how he carries himself, whether he seems confident and so on. But there will be far more that she doesn't know.

The role of female fantasy

That brings into play another shortcut that Nature has built into our nervous systems: fantasy.

When we have only selected facts about something or someone, our mind supplies enough of the missing details for us to evaluate that situation or person. And where seduction is involved, the missing details she'll invent from her own imagination create the fantasy.

That's why a woman can meet a new guy, talk with him for five minutes and then tell all her female friends gushingly that, "He's so dreamy … he's not like other guys!"

“… her image of him was 1% reality and 99% from her imagination …”

It's also why (if they get together in a long-term relationship) she can later dump that same guy and grumble to those same female friends that, "He's such a jerk … he's just like all the other guys!"

Same guy, but a different point in the "getting to know you" progression.

Early on, he didn't seem like other guys because her image of him was 1% reality and 99% from her imagination. And later on he did seem like the other guys because he really was like other guys. By this point, her image of him was maybe 85% reality and only 15% fantasy.

The more details she learns about him over time, the more her initial fantasy fades away. And when a women falls in love (or "in heat"), it's the fantasy that excites her … reality is seldom so dreamy. And therefore time is of the essence.

The longer you wait to make your move to bed her, the weaker that fantasy will become. So if you don't become lovers quickly (i.e. within a few attempts), then it's not going to happen at all.

Just as in many other areas of life: if you snooze, you lose.

To learn more about applying seduction techniques in general more about a specific seduction technique

, continue to our main Seduction page.