Tips and Tricks
any young (and shy) guys seek to master subtle flirting as a way to gain some "plausible deniability" in case of an unwelcome rejection. After all, it seems like a safer way to make the process of approaching women less intimidating.
You've seen this logic applied in high school by the "class clowns". Clowning around is a way to get attention (since women have to notice you before they can then desire you) and it's a way of demonstrating how quick your mind is (since women tend to be more attracted to performers).
But another benefit of using humor is that it provides the speaker with an "out" if his approach to a girl falls flat.
“… she thought for a moment, said "Okay", took off her clothes and climbed into his bed. Of course, he hadn't expected that result …”
For example, we knew one guy who had a girl visit his house so they could study together. After about an hour of studying, he summoned up all his nerve, grinned naughtily and said "Hey, I've got an idea
let's take of all our clothes and get in bed."
At which point she thought for a moment, said "Okay", took off her clothes and climbed into his bed. Of course, he hadn't expected that result. It took him several seconds to remember where the buttons on his shirt were located (so that he could strip down and join her).
The importance of humor
But the reason he did it that way (jokingly) was to allow himself to save face if her reaction had instead been one of shock (or worse). If she'd reacted really badly, he could have claimed, "Hey, don't be so dramatic
I was just making a joke! Where's your sense of humor?"
That would change the focus from "what's wrong with him" (pervert) to "what's wrong with her" (humorless) and enable him to save face. He could plausibly deny that it had been a serious request. So if it went well, he'd get laid. And if it went badly, he could still salvage his pride.
That's not subtle flirting, of course
After all, "Let's take off all our clothes and get in bed" is hardly subtle. And it's not even flirting in the broadest sense, since genuine flirting is indirect. But that's the sort of "cover" some guys seek when sticking their necks out during initial conversations with attractive girls.
Women use this indirect approach quite skillfully, most often by masking their interests as "general conversation". They've honed subtle flirting to a fine art to elicit a favorable response from new and possibly interesting guys which still leaves them an "out" if they decide against moving further. This strategy requires that the flirting process be ambiguous, because otherwise the deniability factor won't be there.
So here's how to know
if you're playing the flirting
game correctly or not
If you find yourself chatting up a new girl and you find yourself backed into a verbal corner, the chances are good that you're not actually flirting. You most likely tried to move things prematurely from the subtle flirting stage to a later stage, such as seduction or dating (e.g. asking her out).
We'll discuss that in more detail in our Seduction section, but if you're seeking further advice to improve your subtle flirting game, continue to the main Flirting Tips For Guys page.
You can also return to the top of this subtle flirting article to re-read it if you need to do so.
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