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How To Approach Women
With Confidence-Building
Conversation Tactics


nowing how to approach women is a sophisticated skill to master, since women differ so much from one to the next and the settings in which you approach them can vary greatly. But many of the tactical errors made by guys who don't get it right fall into two categories:

  1. Selection (which ones to approach)
  2. Technique (how to approach them)

Not all women will be approachable. Some may be in a relationship and not interested in straying at that point. Others may not be in the right frame of mind at that time (women are reportedly more apt to stray when ovulating, for example). And for any woman, her approachability will reflect what she's feeling and what else is going on in her life at that time.

how to approach women who are receptive
How to approach women
who are receptive

Guys who know how to approach women learn to "read" female body language and expressions, and this improves their batting average (in the same way that salesmen "pre-qualify" sales prospects). But suppose you're not yet skilled in how to approach women…

Where should you begin?

There are no sure-fire methods, but the most reliable marker we've found for picking women more likely to be approachable is to look for indications of boredom. If you're at the beach and see a girl sitting by herself reading a paperback who hasn't turned the page in several minutes, she's bored.

Why look for signs of boredom before approaching women? Because women will do more to combat boredom than for almost any other reason (except money). That includes chatting (or more) with a new guy who comes up and breaks the monotony.

“… it's not necessary to lather on compliments or talk her head off …”

As for how to approach women, the "Goldilocks Strategy" applies … not too reserved but also not too pushy. Most shy guys have trouble approaching women, so it takes an "extra push" for many of them to break that inertia. As a result, they go overboard and that intensity counts against them.

When approaching women, trying too hard is a marker for guys who don't do well with women. This mean that (from her standpoint) you're not worth having. So it's not necessary to lather on compliments or talk her head off … that will brand you as a rookie.

Guys who do know how to
approach women do it differently

They'll avoid pick up lines and instead say something simple (such as "Hi"). They'll keep it brief unless she responds with interest.

What should you talk about? It doesn't matter all that much … what's more important is that you're interacting. The process matters more than the specific content.

That's why guys who know how to approach women won't have a sales pitch planned out in advance … they "wing it". That's a mark of confidence when approaching women.

How do you learn to become comfortable "winging it" with women? By practicing, initially on women you're not thinking of as potential bedmates: waitresses ... sales clerks ... information booth attendants.

how to approach women
How to approach
women the
right way

If they're young and cute, save them for later when you're more practiced. But if they're older than your mother and don't turn you on, those are the perfect ones to start with. All you need to do is stretch your usual one-sentence conversation and her response into several. You aren't trying to hit on her -- you're getting more information about the menu or the shirt or next week's museum schedule, nothing more.

Once such conversations comes naturally with women outside your "potential bedmate" parameters, you're ready to try the same with women in similar settings who are (say) 22 and cute. The same technique … expand your usual one-sentence / one-response conversation into four or five sentences and responses.

The next step...

Once you're comfortable doing that, you're ready to try the same on women you'd actually like to pick up. If you can get the conversation up to four or five interchanges, then one of two things will happen:

  1. The conversation will be labored and seem to be dragging, or
  2. The conversation will take on a life of its own and seem to continue "on autopilot"

If it's the former, she's not receptive so end the chat yourself (smile, say "I've got to run, but it's been nice chatting with you … take care", and then move on). There's no need to feel bad, the chemistry just wasn't there.

“… you'll know whether she's interested in continuing with you …”

But if it's the latter result, keep going for five or ten minutes. And at that point, take your leave. You can say something like "I've got to run, but it's been really nice chatting with you … if you're free later in the week, perhaps we could get together for lunch?"

And based on her reaction, you'll know whether she's interested in continuing with you. If so, she'll accept. And if she declines, just smile nonchalantly and say "Thanks anyway," and move on. No need to feel bad there either, perhaps she's already in a relationship and was just enjoying the ego strokes.

The best part is that each time you approach a woman, it gets easier and you'll get smoother at it. So don't think in terms of success or failure, look at it as training (it's no different from going down to the driving range and working on your golf swing). Practice makes perfect.

If you're looking learn more about

how to meet women or how to approach women, continue to our main Dating page or Flirting page.